life is suddenly seeming to be a never-ending nightmare except that every time I wake up…..this one never seems to end……it is one thing that the grotesque images keep flashing in your mind……but the feeling that it will never leave you…….leaves you more tantalizing if possible……..
I have been drawn into a web of treachery and deceit by someone whom I once counted as my friend………been drawn into this web though I wanted no part of it…….i firmly believe the true existence of life is the feeling of complacency that encompasses every human soul…..but when such a web of threads(that decide relationships)is shattered by a greater web….it hits me…..hits me harder than a slap on the face…..right this person is not doing this the first time……many a times this has happened …..every time been forgiven for her cowardly and foolish activities……but this time it shall not be…..

The way iam talking about it…..it might seem to people that I used to like this person previously and iam simply moaning about the person’s petty mis-demeanor……but it is not true…..i actually never liked the person…. though maintained a cordial and amicable relationship with her for the heck of it……

Iam being scrutinized by some screw-balls who happen to be my “so-called teachers”…….the reason……the above mentioned specimen who happens to share my bench goes and complains about a teacher to the hod…..without any of our knowledge…….and the teacher comes to the class asking who was that person who went and complained…..and when asked us we sincerely refuse saying it wasn’t us……and the teacher calls us out(excluding the specimen) and has a brief talk enquiring who was it…..still in the darkness we continue refusing…..and the topic shifted to her teaching ways…….the teacher asks me to be frank and I reply in complete honesty that I cant get a word wat shez saying in the classes……..requesting her to start all over again….after all its been just one week since the college started……now she has to defend herself….she says how am i to complete the portions…..and the raving mouth of mine says “you had two whole hours today, mam….but u dint take a thing”…..well yeah two whole hours in which she dint even make an attempt to come near the board and pick up the chalk-piece….well this statement seems to have jolted her senses in its abnormally-inconceivable raw truthness…..all this happens and the specimen still does not confess the truth…..

And I along with two of my other friends have to frequent “your majesty”(the hod)……for no crime of ours......she calls us to meet her and when we turned up ……she just keeps walking off……..acknowledgement of our presence seems to be far below “your majesty’s” level and dignity I guess……despite the fact that “your majesty” hates to be spoken in English(especially by girls)…..i do….not out of superiority or the habit of snubbing…..but just coz that’s way I am…….and so after hours of making us wait at 4.30 she again walks out saying its un-official hours……so no point of waiting….you can meet me on Monday…..you need not attend any classes ever again…..and with that note she goes off……
I can clearly see what is “her majesty’s” motive in all this……she does not have a rock-solid point or any tangible evidence against us…..so she cant stop and say you commited this crime and iam punishing you for this(the reason why she keeps walking off)…..she is expecting us to cringe under her gaze and apologize most profusely…..but I shall not…..never …..not even if it happens to be my last breath of my life in this agonizingly manipulative and highly distorted world……
I want to hurl these thoughts away …..iam tired of the retrospection……

i mean why should I sham an apologizing look…….would never do it…… not even for calling myself the “sham charisma”.

Ps: though this post might hint heavily that iam mentally deranged(raving gibberish) ……iam not so….this is just some of my random thoughts … .and the pessimism which has been showered all over it shall be over-come by the wrought-iron spirit I pride myself to possess……. in a few days…..
the exams concluded few days ago......and i was rejoicing the hols though it was of short duration.......had planned loads of things for the hols.....main priority was to catch every soccer match despite the untimely hours ....read a book or two.....etc etc
the perfunctory exams in itself were really very tiresome as i tried to cram everythin in the last minute.....but i dint know that what was to follow would rattle my existence......
i started watching every match and would go to sleep as late as 3.30 in the morning(wouldnt even miss harsha bogle's talk after the match concludes and if possible would also try to catch up the news in headlines today.......esp if it has zakka jacob reading the news ) ....this continued for few days.....and the college reopened.....the main priority had not been given away.....slowly there seemed to be subtle changes.......which became a constant worry for my parents......the accumulated sleep-deprivation of many days was taking itz toll on my physical and mental health.........my puffy eyes ,dark patches under the eyes and ghastly appearance was one thing.......lack of catering to the appetite(aggrevated by the bitter sensation of the tongue)worsened the condition......though i pride myself to belong to the indefatigable class of species....this was more than i could bear.....every nerve and every cell seemed to revolt under the strenuosity.......this self-onslaught made me do following things(not in any order)....
1)not turn up for the old schoolmates reunion-party
2)write abnormal and incoherent things(this very post is testimonial to the fact)
3)deny my mom's request to go shopping for the nth time
4)bunk my driving-classes
5)bicker with my best friend
well,the last one just proved that i had turned into an insolent-freak and my newly acquired peevishness was turning to be my nemesis.....i cannot undo things i have done.....but i shall try to seek salvation for the sins i have committed......and the first step towards that would be.......am gonna skip today's final match and get my sleep....zzzzzzzzzzz